I Will Always Love You, Whitney Houston (Part II)

Welcome to part deux of my own little retrospective journey through Whitney Houston’s influence in my life, and my feeble attempt at explaining why her passing has had such an impact on me.

Things get a bit murkier here, because the exact moments of most of these songs’ intersections with my own life have been lost to the fog of age and memory. This makes it a bit harder to tell a cohesive narrative, but I’ll try nonetheless. 

It was quite some time after “The Bodyguard” that I finally got around to watching “The Preacher’s Wife.” In fact, I think I watched “Waiting to Exhale” (1995) first—yes, I went through a brief Terry McMillan phase—but was disappointed (excepting Angela Bassett’s ‘fiery’ portrayal and the ever-awesome Loretta Devine). As a result, I was a little gun-shy over giving Whitney another chance on the silver screen. But finally, being the Christmastime movie enthusiast that I am, I finally broke down and watched “The Preacher’s Wife.” 

Fell. In. Love.

One of the reasons I became hooked was the presence of the Georgia Mass Choir, which accompanied Houston on many of the album’s songs, such as “I Go to the Rock”:

It really does make you feel like you’ve just been taken to church, in that special way that only a commanding voice like hers and an enthusiastic ensemble like theirs can do. It’s uplifting, it’s positive, it’s encouraging, &c. And, to this day, every Christmas season you will find me blaring this song!

Two of my other favorite songs also sprang from this album. The first also happens to be the film’s signature song: 

Though the official video for “I Believe in You and Me” is one of Whitney’s worst, the song itself—like so many others—speaks to the inner-romantic within me. Yes, I admit that I want that mythically simple, all-consuming love that lasts not just until the end of one’s life but also into the next. And I believe that falling in love can oft make you a more complete person through the companionship you gain with another. And, yes, I believe the act of falling in love is a miracle—after all, how can one account for the joining of two hearts in the face of so many intrinsic differences between those same people? (Then again, perhaps it’s Valentine’s Day and I’m feeling mushy, and I miss Nic—even though he detests this song, LOL!)

“The Preacher’s Wife” soundtrack also gave us this song:

What hasn’t “Step by Step” meant to me at various points in my life: an affirmation to continue to be me throughout the coming out journey? Check. Whitney telling her disheartened and worried fans that she would be fine following the gut-wrenching 2002 interview with Dianne Sawyer? Check. An inspiration for some of my dance moves? Check.

Now, since we’ve jumped back to the early ’90s courtesy of “The Preacher’s Wife,” let’s look at two of Whitney’s songs from 1990:

You may recall that I said earlier “I Believe in You and Me” spawned one of Whitney’s worst videos—but it had nothing on “My Name is Not Susan.” I can’t help but feel that the director spliced together scenes from about 12 other videos that had been left on the cutting room floor (though, supposedly it’s an homage to Hitchcock’s Vertigo). And what was Monie Love’s role exactly? You got me.

Nonetheless, I really, really like the song. And I don’t have a lot to say about “My Name is Not Susan” beyond that… Oh, except that if a lover ever called me by the wrong name, I’d do a hell of a lot more than just write a song about it…

Moving back into this millennium, we journey to (circa) 2002. The “anti-Christ” and I were broken-up (though I can’t recall if this was the final time or not), and I was still stinging from the repeated infidelities—and I was still in that warm and fuzzy post-break-up phase of wanting him to not only never find happiness, but also for his soul to burn in hell. On a happier note, I was also madly, deeply in love with the music of Deborah Cox—in particular, “Absolutely Not,” which was receiving widespread play in the clubs at the time.

Well, somewhere around that time—probably courtesy of a remix at Nation or Ziegfeld’s—I encountered the following:

“Same Script, Different Cast” featured two of my favorite divas, and they seemed to be singing about a situation I was intimately familiar with at that moment in time—almost to a ‘T.’

But the above song wasn’t the only time Whitney spoke to me in 2002 (and, yes, I know “Same Script, Different Cast” was originally released in 2000). She did it again with “Try It On My Own,” off of the album “Just Whitney.”

Yes, in this particular song, Ms. Houston preached that it was never too late to get back ‘out there’ and start from scratch, which was a message I needed to hear at the time.

Also, going back to the Dianne Sawyer interview for a moment, this song offered fans such as myself hope that Whitney was finally letting go of that deplorable, disgusting, abusive piece of shit Bobby Brown—and, hopefully, that she was ready to get her career and life back on track. Sadly, we know now that was not completely the case at the time, but the glimmer of hope therein meant a great deal to those of us who admired her and wanted desperately for her to continue blowing our sox off!

Okay, time for the last three songs in my little count-down…

All three come from Whitney’s final album, 2009’s “I Look to You.” It seems fitting to close with these three, as their intersection with my life came at a time of harmony and peace, compared to many of the others I’ve discussed. 

Yes, Whitney’s music had carried me through some rather tumultuous moments of my life, particularly in the relationship-arena. But, by 2009, I was in the midst of Year 5 of a real (read: at times smooth-sailing and at others rocky), much healthier and happier relationship with Nic. And, from the sounds of the album, Whitney herself was also in a much happier, healthier place. Once again, we seemed in-sync emotionally.

Two of the album’s songs—“Call You Tonight” and “I Didn’t Know My Own Strength”—I appreciate because they signified for me (and, it seemed, for her) the ‘other side’ of the hard-road, and having successfully emerged a stronger person in spite of the trials and tribulations.

Now we come to the final song on my list—certainly, last but not least! The song is the title-song off the album, “I Look to You.” Now, I’ve enjoyed the song since the first time I heard it. But, it wasn’t until tonight—in preparing this entry—that I carefully watched the video. I have to say, the experience has reduced me to tears for about the last fifteen minutes. I encourage you to watch for yourself:

In light of this week’s sad event, the fact that this was Whitney Houston’s penultimate video becomes that much more symbolic, moving, and breathtaking. As a fan, it’s also cathartic in a way, especially with lines like: “I need you to set me free / Take me far away from the battle / I need you / Shine on me...”

I, for one, choose to think that, in the end, this legendary woman was at peace. The fact that the authorities found no illegal substances in her room is testament—again, I choose to believe—to the fact that she was free for the moment from so many of the toxins that contributed to her misery over the years. 

Yes, in the end  I choose to think that she was just as strong-willed, fierce, and amazing as I always knew her to be.

Rest in peace, Whitney Houston. I will always love you.